Broken
by Nishiki-chan27
Summary: 1 shot: What would happen to Fai had Sakura not changed the future?


A/N: This came up in the middle of the night into my head and I thought well why the hell not? I had been wondering earlier what would've happened after the chess tournament had Sakura not changed the future she had seen and apparently hadn't stopped. It's all written in Fai's POV like it was in my head. I'm gonna stop typing random babble now, so here it is.

**Broken**

So now you've gone and killed the only people who really mattered. You knew it was coming but dreaded this moment your whole life and lied to yourself through your stupid, lying teeth.

What do you do now? What _can_ you do now?

You sure as hell can't move or you wouldn't be staring into the bloodied faces of your friends. You'd be running as far from this place as possible, as fast as your legs could carry you. Because that's all you've ever been good at, you know: running.

And then you wait for the rude comments made by your closest friend but they never come and you remember oh right.

You can't explain what happened.

You can't even speak. You wouldn't even try because you know you'd only babble psychotic shit in the language you seem to know anymore but you don't know if you can remember it anyway or if you can move your lips.

You're too stunned to cry.

You're in too much despair to scream.

Not that either choice would work anyway because you wouldn't hear yourself over your inner cries.

So all that's left is to laugh.

xXx

So you laugh and the tears mingle with the blood on your face and you're stuck and you still can't move and you're confused because you thought you couldn't cry and now you're wondering where you are and can't seem to function and all you want is someone you recognize like a parent or a sibling or a friend but they're all dead, remember, moron?

Now you can't laugh anymore because your throat has gone raspy and trying to breath makes you choke.

You wish you could choke on your tongue and die right now because so far this slow suicide you're living isn't working and you want it over with.

If only you were that lucky.

xXx

People have come to get you and you see them but you don't care because nothing matters anymore.

xXx

There's a place in your head that stays sane when the rest is insanity.

You can go there to be safe, but there's only room for one so it's the loneliest place in the world. But maybe that's the better option so you go there and you're suddenly a little kid at school hiding behind the desk while the teacher's out and the rest of the class has begun acting like it's recess indoors.

And this feels better, because if the teacher comes back in, the kid can play the victim. And that means he can't be blamed for this mess.

The kid behind the desk just sits there a sniffles pitifully and waits for someone to save him.

But when someone comes in they can't see him past the kids running around in front when they walk in the door.

xXx

You've managed to remain silent for a while now. You're sitting in a chair and the people are looking at you and waiting for an explanation.

But you can't talk without spouting nonsense no one understands so you stay silent but are secretly relieved you still remember one language. That has to mean something.

The bodies of your friends are being cleaned up and you see glimpses through a window.

You want to cry again but you can't.

You try to scream but your voice hurts too much.

You want to curl up and make the world disappear but that's never worked.

So with tears that refuse to come out at the back of your eyes you giggle hysterically.

xXx

They don't like that answer so they tell you to stop, it's not funny.

But everything's so surreal you tell them it isn't, no, but there's nothing left to do.

Only they don't understand what you said and you can't tell whose voice it is that came from your throat and you don't see yourself in the reflection so you laugh again to drown out the impeding loneliness and terror.

xXx

The depression sets in.

It's been slow but now you can't even stand.

Or maybe you can't sit.

You can't move the room feels upside down.

And they get mad because you're not trying and you laugh at them but in your head you're laughing with your friends and walking down a new road and everything matters.

So why didn't you pay enough attention?

And now you want to cry.

xXx

You begin looking at the sky and wonder where the stars have gone until you realize it's daytime.

And you start thinking about things.

But it hurts to think so you stop but the voices won't shut up and you're the kid in the corner reading a book about somebody else's life and seeing what they saw and pretending you don't know who any of those people are.

And it works because neither you nor the kid can find you in your memories.

xXx

Loneliness.

It's nothing new but now it feels worse because there's no one to help you out of it or help you ignore it.

You've never felt so alone.

xXx

It feels like forever.

xXx

The kid in the corner has stopped reading. He looks out at the other kids and wonders if it's better to join the rush of screaming voices and babble and running and dancing is better.

If maybe insanity is his only choice.

xXx

That thought alone make you want to cry.

And now your eyes prickle and your throat is thick and it hurts to breathe so you hold breath but that hurts even more and you let it out in a huge shuddering gasp-

But now you can't stop crying.

And you laugh at the irony.

**end**


End file.
